The Reality of My Reoccurring Nightmare

I went to the hospital to get what I call a "check up x-ray" of my back. This is something I've been putting off for years, though I knew it should be done more frequently. The last time I took a picture of my lumbar spine was in 2009, so five years without any imaging is probably not the best idea. Anyhow, I finally went in to get it done today. 

Going in, I knew what the prognosis was going to be: severe compression fracture of my L2, suggested spinal fusion surgery, no more fun activities that include bending or twisting of my back or any lifting of heavy objects, and lots of core strengthening as rehab. I guessed that there would be some arthritis or bone spurs that had developed by now, and I was curious to see how much, along with the condition of the adjacent discs and vertebrae. 

Well, I got what I asked for. Exactly. Except this doc said that it wasn't just a compression fracture, it was a burst fracture, which is even worse than a regular compression fracture. Compression fractures, as I mentioned in a prior post about Neymar's injury, are kind of like squished marshmallows. The cause of a burst fracture is basically like that of a compression fracture, but with more force so that the vertebral body (the marshmallow part) has some shatter element to it (think pressing down into a piece of taffy with your finger, vs smacking it with a hammer....using your finger, it just kinda squishes in, whereas the hammer might break off several pieces of taffy, clean cut). It also increases the surface area of the flat part, which means that that there is more of a chance of it affecting my spinal cord in a negative way. 

The doc then mentioned that if I had gotten surgery at the time of the accident, my vertebra would have actually grown back into it's original shape (or something similar, I'm guessing). A couple pins to temporarily fuse it in place, and a year later, remove the pins. Bam. A new back. 

Exactly what I have been wishing for since 2009. 

And then he took it all away from me. All of the hope. Because my injury is an old one, I wouldn't be able to recover the way I would have if I had taken immediate action. All that's left for me to do now is to either maintain what I have by core strengthening, or attempt surgery to permanently fuse my L1 and L2. I entertained the idea of surgery, but then I came back to my senses and remembered the doc saying that at this point, he wouldn't recommend surgery unless I was experiencing some terrible pain. 

When I got home, I broke down and cried. Just the idea that I could have actually had a normal spine again crushed me. These past 5 years would have been pain-free (minus the year of rehab). I wouldn't have to be so careful with everything I do. I wouldn't have to rehab myself just to be a normal human being. 

The thing is, since 2009, I had already made peace with the fact that my situation was an eternal one. There's no getting better, just maintaining the same, or getting worse. Why it was so tough for me to accept this coming from a doctor this time, I really don't know. Maybe it was the temporary dangle of hope in front of my face before he asked the date of my injury. 

Actually, I think that was it. 

After talking to my significant other (it was moreso just venting and crying), he reminded me that "what if's" are pointless and useless. He reminded me that the path I've taken since the accident has made me into someone who wouldn't have existed otherwise. Live to Play would not exist. The people I've helped along the way might still be in pain. My friendships would be different. My sports and activities would be different. My address would be different. Everything would be different. 

He's so great :)

The thing is, we have to learn how to live with the cards we've been dealt. Yes, it would have been great to have a healthy(ier?) spine, but who knows if it would have actually gone the way it was planned (we should know by now that rarely anything goes exactly as planned)? I've used this crux as a driving force to improve my direction in life, adding to my passion of helping people, but now with an actual fire. I took a path I was too afraid to continue when I failed at first (yep, Anatomy class in university....had to drop the class twice because I knew within the first 2 weeks I wouldn't have the slightest chance in passing). I have learned so much more than I would have, think more freely, and actually use my brain when making educated decisions, rather than basing it what the institution would have bred me to believe. I have expanded my knowledge in ways I wouldn't even have blinked at, and have made many similarly-thinking friends on the way. I have challenged my body in ways I would never have imagined (even though some are just basic things), and accomplished exactly what I intended when all the docs told me I couldn't. 

Well, I can. I have, and I will. 

Docs told me I couldn't run without pain, so I ran a few half marathons. Docs told me I wouldn't be able to participate in martial arts anymore, so I competed a few more times, took up a whole new martial art, and competed in that one several times. Oh, and mixed the two in an MMA tournament. Docs told me I shouldn't jump, so I ran a 10-mile obstacle course race. Docs told me I shouldn't lift heavy things, and, well, we all know what happened with that ;) This doc "taught" me an exercise I "should" do every morning to maintain the muscles that support my spinal column: 

Ironically, this is an exercise that I would NOT recommend to beginners, or people who just walked into a doc's office as a first exercise. It's way too easy to round your back and not use the right muscles to perform this movement. Also, most people would also end up with a neck strain along with their sore back. Woot. 

Ok, so now I feel better. Sometimes hearing news you already knew can suck, even if you were expecting it. Hearing it out loud, and then even just having a smidge of hope presented, can sometimes seem devastating. But bring yourself back to reality. Look at your cards, do your research, know that there are always other options. In situations like this, take your best option, believe in it 100%, and never look back. Obstacles are bound to happen, but keep your eyes on the prize. The path to success is never a straight line.

Fighting Off Bad Guys

I commonly get asked questions about how to defend oneself during an attack. Having been in martial arts for most of my life, I have come to expect these types of questions here and there. With the uprising of public attacks (in Taiwan, the newly reported 2014's second safest country to live in, within the last 6 weeks, there has been a stabbing on the subway resulting in 4 deaths and 22 injuries, and a shooting resulting in one guy getting sent to the ER with multiple gunshot and blunt force assault wounds), I have been getting more and more questions about self defense. 

"How do I defend against a knife attack?"

"What do I do if someone is drunk and tries to attack me?"

"What if someone has a gun? What do I do then?"

"What if someone sneaks up in the alleyway and grabs me unexpectedly?"

What if, what if, what if.....

Today, I got to spend a bit of time explaining to the single person who has asked me the most questions about self defense on a daily basis (this guy persistently asks almost every time I see him, and won't really take "no" for an answer) my thoughts on self defense for noobs (or, as he called it, "blank paper"). By the way, this only applies to the general population who has not taken any long-term instruction in martial arts. And, again, it is only my opinion, as is everything else in this blog (because it's my blog). So take it for what it's worth.

You cannot learn self defense overnight. 

You cannot practice self defense by yourself. 

Just because you take a weekend self defense course doesn't mean you can take on the world. 

Just because you know a couple of self defense moves, doesn't mean you will actually use them effectively in an attack situation. 

You cannot "learn" (read: memorize) a defense for every conceivable attack situation. There will alway be variables.

Just because someone knows martial arts doesn't mean they can defend themselves in an attack situation.

Just because someone doesn't know martial arts doesn't mean they can defend themselves in an attack situation.

Just because you can find a weapon nearby doesn't mean you should pick it up in a situation where you are being attacked.

Defending yourself is not like it is in the movies.

Martial arts defenses are not how they are depicted in the movies.

I believe that in order to defend yourself in as effective manner as it is humanly possible to prepare for, one needs to have a clear mind and quick reaction/thinking at the time when most people would panic. Like most things in life, it is about learning some basic skills, practicing them in simulated situations with real partners and actually learning how to take a hit, and practicing those things until it's second nature because they're basic. Then you learn the concept of how everything works. And then you can apply those concepts to almost any attack situation.

Think about when you learned how to drive. The driver's ed guy didn't teach you what to do if a dog runs into the street in front of you at 20, 25, 30, 35, and 40 feet from the left, did he? What about the right? What if it's a cat? What if it's a kid? What if it's a bird? He also didn't teach you what to do if  you're making a left turn and some asshole decides to run a red. Or if he ran a stale yellow. Or if he was just driving super slow at the end of a green. Or if there were two cars instead of one. Or if it was a semi-truck. Do you get my drift? He taught you some basics things on how to operate a vehicle safely, some general guidelines, and then the rest you learned through practicing....a shit-ton. Every time you drive, you practice. You might now know how to parallel park on a 17 degree gradient hill in San Francisco, but the driver's ed guy didn't teach you that. You just know now because you parallel parked in a few other situations, as well as parked on a hill before, and it just makes sense that this is how you should combine the two on a rainy, windy SF day. 

Practicing by yourself is also not an effective approach to learning how to defend yourself in an attack situation. Sure, you might have that heavy sand bag propped up, ready for you to retaliate against its imaginary attacks, but you'll never have the timing right. Sure, you could repeatedly smack yourself on the head with a bamboo stick to "get used to the pain," but you'll never know what it looks like when someone else is out for your blood. Think about a deer in headlights. The deer knows how to cross the road. It's simple. It's done it a bunch of times. But now...there're shiny lights coming towards it. Fuck. 

Having a partner simulate attack situations is the best way to train what you've learned from whatever self-defense/fighting/martial arts course you've decided to take without actually getting yourself in attack situations. It prepares you for a human being coming at you in real time, so you have to 1) not panic, 2) figure out what defense move will work best for you in that situation, 3) get the timing right, and 4) use the appropriate amount of force and speed to stop you from getting stabbed in the eye with a plastic picnic knife. You cannot effectively train those components of self defense by yourself, or over a weekend course.

The only exception to any of this.....is if you've had previous experience in a combat sport (mostly martial arts) and have actually competed several times. I say this, because if you've gotten to the level of having competed several times in a combat sport, then you've already had a minimum of several months to a few years of sufficient and consistent training of that martial art (unless your coach is a mean, mean person who enjoys watching his students get crushed in public). You have already learned the basics of a martial art, which is really enough to defend most people against the majority of attackers. Having been in competitions means you've trained even more vigorously than normal students, upping your ability and mental toughness. It means you've already been in the situation where someone is trying to win, and you're in the way. You've already had to defend yourself. Several times. You've had accidental knocks to the head, getting your wind knocked out of you, bumps, bruises, bleeding, etc, and you're not phased by them anymore. You know what it's like to be super tired and not be able to catch your breath but still have to fight someone because you can't lose. Not this time. You've had to use your basic techniques in situations the instructor didn't teach you....because that's all you had to work with, and you learned how to make it work. You've learned how to be creative with what little you knew, too, because you've at least started to grasp the concept of this whole "defending" yourself thing. You've conditioned yourself to think that an attacker is just another person, and he will no longer be an attacker if you can control him. No biggie. When do I get my post-competition pizza/ice cream dinner?

However, this does not mean that anyone with martial arts experience (even competitively) can defend themselves effectively. People are still humans, and they will fuck up because it's in their nature. They could have a brain fart and that brain fart could be the determining factor on whether or not they get stabbed. They could still panic in the face of danger, because, well, it's actual, REAL, life-threatening danger, not just a fun competition that you know you'll walk out of alive. Or, I mean, if someone decides to surprise attack you with a gun to your head....I mean....that's a pretty tough one to get out of, even for most experienced martial artists. 

Now, the chief complaint I got from the guy I was explaining this to today was that becoming efficient at a martial arts to the point of competing takes a lot of time out of one's schedule. Well no shit. There's got to be a better way for the general population of "blank papers" to have a better than 0% of stopping themselves from getting beaten to a bloody pulp, right? Well, of course there is. And again, I'd like to state that this is all my opinion, so if you ever get in a situation and try any of this and it doesn't work, don't blame me. Actually, just try not to get attacked. That's probably best.

1) Run away (See? This is another reason why sprinting is good for you!). It's too much of a hassle for a random attacker to chase after you, unless you made him really angry. Then you should probably make sure you run faster than he does. If you're being robbed, best thing to do is to throw your wallet/purse in one direction, and then run in the other direction. And always run towards where there are people/lights. Bad guys don't like witnesses.

2) If you're stuck in a situation where you can't run and you have to defend yourself, either stay suuuuper far away (out of range for limbs/weapons to reach you), or get suuuuuper close (think super tight bear hug with as much of your body stuck to their body as possible). If you are in the middle range where their strikes can actually reach you, you're probably pretty screwed unless your inner Kung Fu Panda spirit comes through for you. If you're super close, like, trying to merge two bodies into one close, you take away their attack range. Next time your significant other gives you a super tight hug with their head on your shoulder, try to head butt them and see how effective that is. I can tell you right now, it won't be very effective. Weapons all have a range of effective use. Take away that range, and they won't have an effective use. Also, you could simply do the grade-school thing where you put one foot behind theirs and trip them so they fall backwards. And then sit on them while you make them list 10 candy bars. There's a reason why that worked. Because you took away their range. They can't attack you if you're sitting on them and controlling their arms. 

There's no way this dog can hurt me now!!

3) If you haven't been properly trained in the usage of weaponry, don't pick up random objects and try to use them as a weapon. You will probably get that "weapon" taken away from you pretty quickly and then all of the sudden find it being used against you. Damn. 

Hey, look what I found! I couldn't possibly hurt myself with this!

4) Make as much of a screamy noise as possible. Get the attention of standbyers. Scream something like "FIRE!" or "OMG, IT'S ROBERT DOWNEY JR.!!" Again, the attacker probably doesn't want any witnesses. 

5) Get good at dodgeball. If someone's gonna throw something at you, be it a fist or a knife or a shoe, just remember that you don't deserve to get hit, and you also have the option of NOT getting hit. So just move out of its way. 

Ok. So, super long post about how to defend yourself in every situation possible. How about this: Just....try not to get easily attacked. Walk around with confidence, head held high, no headphones in, and best in numbers higher than 1. Attackers want the easiest attack possible. They're like the lioness hunting the gazelles. They know they'll only get the weakest one. Don't be the weakest one. Do your sprints. Lift heavy things. Be confident in whatever you do. Have friends. Enjoy your surroundings. There. That's my advice. Now go.....not get attacked and live your life.

How to not be Stupid with a Broken Back and Beat the Odds of Health Professionals

I don't watch sports. I play them, I just don't watch them (too boring to watch people chase a ball around a field for a few hours...more fun to watch goats do the same thing for a few minutes, in my opinion). Recently, I was notified through various social media accounts that some guy name Neymar who plays for the Brazilian soccer (futbol) team at the World Cup just suffered a fractured vertebra in his lower back (Fox Sports reported that it was his "third vertebra," which basically means the author doesn't know jack shit about the spinal anatomy, but then again, it IS Fox....) and is likely out for the rest of the World Cup. Some people are optimistic in saying that he might be able to play in the next game if he takes good care of himself in the next couple days, but if you think about it, any educated and sane person would most likely choose to be able to continue being able to play soccer in the near future, rather than have an attempt at another match where he's already the main prey and risk being confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life. 

A quick lesson on spinal injuries, a fractured vertebra = "broken back." Vertebrae are spikey marshmallow-shaped bones, so it's hard to have an actual separating break in the marshmallow part of the bone, so they're technically fractures. There are also various types of spinal fractures, each of which have varying levels and types of pain and rehabilitation. 

A broken bone takes about 6-8 weeks to heal. Before that, it has the opportunity to get worse, if not handled properly. After that, there's all sorts of fun things to deal with, like scar tissue, newly overcompensations of muscles, and other soft tissue stuff. With a broken vertebra, these "fun things" will likely stay with you for the rest of your life. But the main thing is, if it's treated correctly, and the homework is consistently done, then the option of playtime will continue to exist. But first.....6-8 weeks of letting that bone superglue itself back together is vital. Sorry, Neymar, if you're smart, you're not going to finish this year's World Cup. But if you do things right, you can play again next year. If not...you may never walk again. I'd choose the first option.

One of the permanent injuries I have to deal with on a daily basis is a severe wedge compression fracture in my 2nd lumbar vertebra (the one above the one Neymar is reported to have broken). My marshmallow basically looks like the unevenly squished one that got jammed under a can of Spaghetti-O's. This was from a 4-wheeling accident in the Californian desert back in '08. 

Long story short, after about 2 years of various rehab programs (ending in the style we now use at Live to Play), I was able to do all the fun things the docs told me I wouldn't be able to do anymore, like run a few half marathons (I was never a runner before), compete in taekwondo again, start up a new martial art (brazilian jiu jitsu) and compete in a few of those tournaments, help my parents move, and lift heavy weights. I had exceeded the best-case scenario that was presented to me. 

The thing is....I still get back pain. I get it more often when I have bad posture and don't do my workouts, but that's a good thing. It reminds me that I have to keep doing my homework. I have to keep lifting and sit up straight so my muscles are strong enough to compensate for the fact that I have a spine that makes me look like a stegosaurus when I bend over. It reminds me when I've eaten too much because the pressure on my spine from my food baby causes me to be uncomfortable in every position possible. It tells me when I have too much fat and too little muscle when I gain weight because the muscle I do have isn't strong enough to support the weight above my injury. I have to do this for the rest of my life if I want to function like a normal human being, and especially if I want to do anything fun. I know this for a fact. But it's either that, or have weak supporting muscles, highly increasing my chances of paralysis (docs thought I'd for sure end up with permanent nerve damage and partial paralysis, based on my initial x-rays). 

The last 2 years, I admit I've been very on and off about my homework. I've kind of done it when it's been convenient and when I haven't been tired (read: lazy). I spent the last 2 years starting and building my business from scratch, and also used it as an excuse to be lazy. Because of that, my attendance in the fun things in life (largely hiking, jiu jitsu, and taekwondo) have been extremely spotty. If I don't do my homework consistently for at least 2-3 weeks straight, my back lets me know it after one session of something fun by making me extremely uncomfortable for 2-3 weeks. It also doesn't help when there are overzealous training partners that don't know how delicate your situation can be. A catch-22 of my rehab is that it makes me strong overall. Not just arm-wrestle strong, but nuts 'n bolts strong. That's what it's designed to do. But then you get known as "the girl that's stronger than boys" at the gym, and all the guys think they can spar hard with you because, well, strength. They don't realize that my weakest link is pretty damn weak when they try to fold me in half or twist me like they're trying to wring out a wet towel. That's when I learn who I can and can't train with during my first few weeks of getting back on the mat. 

I've learned that getting back into the swing of fun things will take a slower start than it used to. I've learned how to have a lot more patience and willpower to stop myself from doing too much. I've learned that ego in these kinds of situations does nothing but sideline me for another stint of time. I've learned that competing isn't everything. I've learned that sports and competition aren't what make me, but just things I enjoy doing doing, so I should treat them that way, instead of an identity. I am not a professional competitor, but I like to compete. It's ok if I miss a competition or athletic event here or there, because I didn't do my homework. It's not the end of the world. There will always be another one, but I only have one body. I choose a healthy, functional, pain-free body over an overzealous competitive spirit. 

The "Vacation Diet"

I went on a diet recently. It required me to eat to my heart's content for 24 days straight. Roasts, fried chicken, barbecues, seafood, ice cream, pies, pasta, cookies, fruits, cheese, veggies, bread, jerky...anything. The only "exercise" I actually did was a 10-minute hill sprint session immediately followed by a nap on the grass under the sun, 50-minute Brazilian Jiu Jitsu session, 2 short hikes (under 2 hours total), and one long 7 hour hike. Oh, I also drank alcohol almost every night (ciders, the sweet kind).

24 days of eating everything under the New Zealand sun, and.....I didn't gain any weight. In fact, I lost a kilo or two. 

Hokey Pokey is not just a dance to me anymore....it's a 'lil slice of Heaven!

Most of the time, I didn't really eat breakfast (I normally don't anyway), but the 4 or 5 times I did have breakfast, they consisted of ice cream and/or cookies. Once I ate an entire package of billtong (South African beef jerky). I followed it up with about half a litre of Hokey Pokey ice cream, a banana, and a kiwifruit, you know, to be healthy. I didn't drink as much water as I normally do, and my dinners were gigantic (I posted pictures of one dinner in a previous post). Oh, also, I went to bed within 30-45 min of finishing dinner on most occasions. I know, breaking all the rules...

Main reasons I believe why I didn't gain any weight thought I stuffed my face silly:
1) Food quality: New Zealand has this thing where their livestock don't live like they're in a food factory. The cows and sheep were littered across the green acres, mountains, and even side of the roads. Basically, anywhere there was grass and they could access. I once saw some chickens on the side of the road on a mountain pecking at bugs 'n whatever else it is they eat in the dirt. Their seafood is mostly fresh from their own waters (in fact, we even caught some ourself...find a shellfish on the beach, crack it open and eat it right there!). Their dairy (including ice cream) is all made from real milk from those awesomely friendly cows, so even though the ice cream and cheeses I ate were full fat, they were doing my body more of a favor than they were detriment (well, maybe the ice cream is a bit of a stretch, but it was still much better for me than the typical chemical shit storm ice creams I'm used to). And their food has exactly what the labels say they have in them (ie: mint 'n lamb sausages have mint and lamb and like, delicious spices...now go look at the ingredient list on the back of a Jimmy Dean's sausage box). This expected and normalized awesome food quality means that I didn't have to worry about the things I would normally worry about with my food: freshness, origin, antibiotics, illnesses, steroids, hormones, dyes/colorings, pesticides, chemicals, treatment of animals, etc). How do you know if that beef is fresh? It's red. It's not red because of the preservatives or dyes in the meat, it's red because it's actually fresh. And from a cow that's been living in a green pasture all her life and made good friends with all of her other cow buddies while basking in the sun or napping under a tree.

My new cow buddies having a conversation with me. 

2) Clean air: As of 2012, New Zealand had something like 4.43 million people in the entire country. To put that into perspective, Los Angeles had about 3.86 million. Also, New Zealand is about the size of Colorado in land size (Colorado had 5.19 million, by the way). This means less pollutants entering my body, messing with my hormones. Hormones in your body are kinda like stars for astrologists....if they're aligned properly, everything goes well. Except hormones are a real thing. By the way, if you weren't aware, your skin is your largest organ, and it absorbs things like crazy. So anything that touches your skin can also affect your body and hormones. So clean air affects you in a good way, and not just for your lungs :)

No way to have shitty air with this in your backyard...

3) I told myself to not feel guilty: Eating in such a grandiose fashion for almost a month meant I would either regret everything I ate and feel miserable about myself, or just say f*ck it, and enjoy my time there. I chose the latter. Stressing out about things causes stress. Stress causes your cortisol (one of those hormone thingies) to increase, and increased cortisol means your body is more likely to store fat. Being completely ok with the fact that I was on vacation and was allowed to do whatever the hell I wanted allowed me to keep my cortisol level in check. I was lucky that my hosts were adamant that I remain on vacation mode and do nothing chore-related whatsoever (in fact, I think I got slightly stressed because that went against everything my mom taught me for being a guest at someone's house). I wasn't even allowed to touch the dishes or clean. For almost a month. Of course, I snuck in the occasional dish or cup when nobody was looking, so maybe that helped. So sneaky, I know. 

I'm telling you, it is. It really is.

4) Food time was quality time: When we ate, we all ate together. We didn't have the TV as a distraction, and we enjoyed each others' company. We enjoyed and appreciated the food, and marveled at how there was still more to come. When you are aware of your food and eat without mindless distractions (ie television, movies, computer, phone, etc), your brain is actually able to process the food in more than just the digestible way. It processes the food visually, by taste, by smell, and by hormones. Your brain will be able to tell you that it's delicious, and when you've had enough (I had to stop eating salmon sashimi because my brain told me I was full, believe it or not). Also, when you're in good company, it takes longer for you to eat, which means in the 20ish minutes that it takes your brain to receive the signal from your stomach that it's at capacity, you can actually listen to it before you overstuff yourself and someone has to roll you to the couch. 

5) I was happy: This kind of goes hand in hand with the stress/hormone thing. Unhappiness is a type of stress, and we all know where that leads us! I was in the company of people I really enjoyed to be around, in a land that is beautiful enough for hobbits from Middle Earth to live, with delicious food, clean air, no stress/responsibilities, and entertained by a rather large, yet soft cat that ate raw meat dog food. Also, seeing cows in grass instead of factory farms or brown farms made me figuratively pee my pants.

They're just so.....happy :)

All in all, diets are temporary. My "vacation diet" was also temporary, although I think it was something that's pretty close to sustainable for me if I actually lived there. I'd for sure lose a couple more kilos because I wouldn't be having ice cream every day, and I'd actually do more sports/lift. And my portions would be smaller. Anyhow, dieting is a tricky thing that varies with the individual, but when you're on vacation, just eat good food and don't worry about it. It's temporary, anyway, and there's no use ruining a perfectly good vacation by fretting over that delicious cheesecake you had for breakfast. Your energy is better used picking out what size steak you want for dinner. Trust me. Whatever diet you're trying out (that is, if you're actually dieting....if you're not, then well, however your eating style is), it's ok if you flub for a meal or 5. Don't stress about it. Know that it's not an "all the time" thing, and just get back on track. Enjoy life as it comes, just enjoy it responsibly. Don't overdo anything and you'll be fine. And if you overdo something, you'll still be fine. Just don't worry about it and get on track. Every day is a new beginning :)

Too Much of a Good Thing

I'm in a suburb of beautiful Auckland, New Zealand, a brisk 11 degrees Celsius right now. There is not a single cloud in the sky, and the slight breeze is very welcomed by the cat that is curled up next to me on the porch.

See? No clouds.

I'm sitting in a wooden lounge chair made by a teenager several years ago that seems sturdy enough that the cat doesn't seem to be worried I might break the chair and smoosh him into a splintery cat pancake. My belly is still full from last night's feast. I've been feasting pretty much every day since I arrived. And I mean 'feasting' in the most literal term meaning 'stuffing my face silly with utterly delicious foods,' as I've been getting spoiled by 4-6 course meals every night, homemade by a magical wizard lady in the kitchen. 

Example:

 New Zealand wine, crackers, and Almond/Apricot cheese

 Salmon sashimi, fresh ground ginger and garlic with soy, and gerkins 'n sausages

crunchy Salmon skin chips 

Sesame paste noodles 

Champagne with berries 

Really freakin good ice cream

I just went for a run down the street. Let me rephrase: I just did some hill sprints about a mile away from the house. And by hill sprints, I mean I jogged up a steep, grassy hill towards an awesome-looking tree with a tire swing several times. 

Awesome tree with tire swing 

Hill. One angle of it.

I haven't worked out in a while. My lungs have gotten stale from being stagnant in use. Although I've been in a place with crisp, clean air for about a week now, and I've done a quick hike or two in the mountains (hills? It's NZ...I'm not sure which is which now), I haven't done anything incredibly challenging for my body, and I can tell it misses it. My allergies and asthma have a lot to do with my shortened workout today, and I know that in the matter of a couple days, my lungs will wake up, my energy will skyrocket, and I will be able to do a much better workout. But as for today, I'm taking it easy. 

I used to push myself to the limits every time I worked out. Used to. Like when I was an athlete. Like when I wasn't an athlete. Like when I didn't know that there is such thing as too much. I used to push myself until my body would want to quit, and then I would push myself a little more, and call it "mental training." Just a little more. Gotta get to 10, 20, 50....just a couple more. And I would do it, rain or shine, because I had to. Anything easier, and I would consider myself a weak "normal" person who wasn't going to succeed. I would train 2-3 times a day, especially if I was prepping for a competition. I would be maticulous about my eating, following the "low fat" trend that was popular back then. I listened to what the magazines said would be good for me. What the media said. Train hard, don't eat fat, train more, and override what your body tells you when it says it's tired because you can push through it! You can do it! No pain, no gain!

Is life really about disregarding what your body tells you to do? Should that be the marker of how 'great' you are at physical accomplishment? You decide to run a marathon because it shows you can do more than your body is meant to do naturally. You decide to train for your recreational sport 2-3x/day, 6 days a week, hard, even though you're tired and hurting all the time, and you're falling asleep at work, but have insomnia at night. You go on a strict diet 6 days a week, eating "really healthy" foods at perfect portions so you can get the perfect body you've been dreaming of, despite the fact that all you can think of are cookies and steak and never feeling satisfied. 

I've done that. All of it. It's gotten me nowhere. Your body inevitably wins. If you train too hard, it shuts down for a few days. If you train too much, it might shut down for a few weeks. You get sick. You get injured. You just can't. If you're too strict with your diet, all you will think about is food. What you have to eat, what you can't eat. And when you have your "cheat day," you eat like you've been starving for the past week. Because you have. 

I don't know about you, but this has always been a problem for me...

"Too" has a big psychological impact. Too much, too little. We've all heard that moderation is key, but the hard part is to implement it, especially those of us with a competitive nature. It's great to keep fit and healthy by exercise and eating nutrient-dense foods, but I've realized that It's impossible to do it 100% all the time. When you're on vacation, enjoy your vacation. Don't worry about being on your diet all the time, or working out every day. But listen to your body. It will tell you when enough is enough. It will tell you when it needs to exert some energy. And don't feel guilty while you're on vacation. Ever.

With your every day life, remember that habits make a person. Keep on somewhat of a regular schedule with your workouts/physical activity/Play, to make sure you get it in (because over long time, your body can and will get accustomed to a sedentary life, and your brain will go with whatever is easier to do at the time), and eat healthily most of the time. If you want that ice cream because it's a new flavor that came out and is limited time only, get it. Just don't make it a habit. Habits are hard to break. If you've ever tried to break a bad habit before, remember how hard it was, and if you want to go through that again. 

If you're in a sport, train like you're trying to perfect the sport, not like you're trying to win at every practice. When it comes time that you have a competition coming up in a few weeks, that's when you go hard. But in the meantime, don't do too much. That's probably the hardest habit to break. 

Where's Goldilocks?

In limbo...

During the first leg of my flight to New Zealand,  our captain informed us that due to poor weather conditions, we would have to stay in the air until they got the 'ok' from ground control to land. So while we're up here,  circling the landing strip like a vulture anxiously waiting for an animal below to die, I got to thinking. Where does your brain go during these times of limbo? 

At the first announcement of the delay,  I heard some people murmer some angry sounds. We had already had  ~30-45 minute delay during take-off (I'm not exactly sure how long it was,  as I have a tendency to konk out once the engine starts whirring) ,  and now another delay of unknown minutes,  further delaying tired travellers to their final destinations. 

Some other people peeped sounds of fear. When can we land? Will we run out of fuel? What happens if the weather doesn't get better? What if they take us to another airport? When will I be home? 

And then there were the people who just continued doing what they were doing before the announcement was made. 

I was part of all three of those categories of people.

I can remember a time when my temper was a little(or a lot) more delicate,  and I would get mad if there was a delay in my travels (I had terrible road rage. Thankfully I discovered the music of Ludicris). But now,  as I become older, and hopefully as they say 'wiser,'  I have learned how to think before I let my emotions take control. The world is full of circumstances we can neither forsee nor have any control over. 

So what do you do?

I eventually tried to go back to sleep,  as I never know the concept of time while I am flying and it annoys me not to, and sleeping is a pretty easy solution for that. But then I found myself wide awake, not knowing what time it was,  nor any idea of how long it would take for us to land. My Kindle app decided it didn't want to work (probably needed some sort of update),  so reading was out, so I decided to write, which brings us to now. They are currently announcing the continuance of the delay amd thanking us for our patience. We have been vultures for about an hour now. More people are rustling,  and the level of aggravation is rising. But,  there is nothing any of us can do, except for wait. And wait we shall. 

But what do you do when you wait?  Where does your mind go when there's nothing to do?

Collaborative Stupidity Wins Again (sigh)

So there's this article out now about how Vibram Five Fingers got sued for causing injuries to people wearing them. You can read the article here. I've been getting asked about my opinion on minimalist footwear a lot since I got mine (a mere 3 years ago, I believe), and have nothing bad to say about them, other than the fact that they don't make rainboots (it makes Taiwan winters a bit of a hassle....). Minimalist footwear, if properly fitted and properly used, can help a person's foot strength and laxity, proprioception (think about how your hand feels naked versus in a tight mitten), posture, and probably ego, since they're the coolest-looking thing you can put on your feet (ok, that last one might be a little bit of a stretch).

I dunno...these might be even cooler than wearing shoes that look like feet...

The article states that people were injured in the "transition process" of wearing the shoes, so people sued. And sometimes when the people sue a big company and make a big deal out of it, they end up pooling their piggy bank contents and getting a pretty decent lawyer and they win the damn case. So in this case, Vibram lost. 

But my qualm isn't with the fact that Vibram lost. Or even that they got sued. Every big corporation will get sued many times over the course of their business-ey years. It's just gonna happen. 

My qualm is with the fact that the people who sued Vibram were idiots with no common sense. Anyone with a brain should be able to figure out that if you're going to make a change as big as the type of footwear you wear on a regular basis, that it should:
        a) not be a drastic difference from the type you are replacing
        b) probably be a gradual process if it is pretty different (maybe alternate between old shoe and new until your feet get used to it? or *gasp* make sure you can WALK comfortably in them for a long time before you run in them??)
        c) not go on the foot that shares a brain with someone who thinks that instant gratification applies to fitness and health

Seriously, think about it. You protect your feet for the majority of your life with a bunch of pillows and a shell. And then all of the sudden, you decide to throw your feet out into the world, fending for itself, and expect it to survive. Anyone who's watched shows on animals in captivity knows that this is a bad idea. 

He was probably in on the lawsuit.

This makes me think how often people wear those shoes, too. I'm asian, so I never wear shoes inside someone's home (even if they're wearing shoes, I'll probably end up taking mine off anyway....just a habit). But some people do. And some people wear their shoes every place in their house except for IN their bed. Those poor, captive feet. I bet they have an awesome case of athlete's foot. The people who blame the company that designed the shoes probably are the same people who are "gluten free" for no reason other than the fact that it's the latest trend in health/fitness. Perhaps some people like these?

I also have been in martial arts since I was 8 (so no shoes there, and plenty of foot-strengthening movements), and my favorite pair of shoes in middle/high school was a pair of blue and white Converse. After I moved to California, all I wore were flip flops. So my transition into toe shoes were pretty fluid. 

The reason I got the Vibrams, by the way, were because all those years of martial arts kinda screwed up my big toe a bit, and I realized that normal shoes were compressing my toes inward, where my "black belt feet" (as my ex boyfriend called them) wanted nothing to do with being squished. Either that, or it was catching my big toe in the puzzle mats for 5 years of my training in California. To this day, I still hate puzzle mats. The Vibrams solved my problem within a week or two. Now, they are all I wear. But it wasn't hard to transition into them, because I was used to being barefoot or wearing shoes with minimal soles, and I rarely wore high heels.

I'm lucky this never happened....knock on wood.

So these people who whined about these shoes who ruined their lives...probably should have thought a little more about how to transition into something, instead of just "going for it 100% (I have thoughts on 100%, but in a later blog....). But since they're probably pretty competitive people and like to keep up with the trends, I have a suggestion for an award they can compete for, so they can feel like they accomplished something. Apparently there are more contestants now than there ever were before.