The Tacos of Life

We made tacos for dinner tonight. Yes, they were delicious, and yes, we had way too many. 

Anytime I make tacos (or dumplings or burritos or peking duck or anything you have to wrap things in a wrapper), I am reminded of a few rather valuable life lessons, which, at this time, I will of course draw parallels to tacos. 


1: The tortilla

The tortilla is the base of the whole shebang. As in life, there are many ways to build your base. You can get the cookie-cutter (ie, store-bought) versions, which are simple, convenient, and the same as everyone else. They get the job done, they taste alright, and you wouldn't know any better if you hadn't had anything different. Depending on the brand, they might be cheap or expensive, but in the end, you still don't know exactly how that shit was made. They look good at the end (like on a resume, persay) because everyone knows the various brands of tortillas out there. 

The thing with the tortilla, I've found, is that store-bought isn't your only option. You can make your own. I thought it was harder to make before my brother pointed out to me that they're super simple to make. So we made them from scratch. Super simple. We had to make them a few different times to get the taste, texture, and shape that we wanted, but once we got the hang of it, we were in tortilla heaven! 

Mirrored in life, anything you do in life needs a base. You can get the ready-made stuff that most people get, or you can make your own. The thing is, you need to have tasted store-bought and hand-made ones to know what fits your tastebuds better. Can't just do it blindly. 

Also, I should mention that when I moved to California, I learned that hard shell tacos are not a real thing in Mexico. Neither are burritos. They're an American creation based off of Mexican foods. They're the fortune cookie of Mexican foods. But, the thing is, despite their false authenticity, they are still quite popular. So, just because it's not authentic, doesn't mean that a new creation won't succeed. 


2) The meat

True tacos will not use ground meat, but instead, some sort of slow-cooked type of meat. My first time having a real taco, I went back to the restaurant (we had take-out) and asked them if they had mixed up our order. My original notion of a taco was whatever Taco Bell was serving (yay Michigan!). When I opened my little styrofoam container and saw two tiny tortillas (doubled up) with chunks of chicken leg pulled off the bone, and some guacamole with actual avocados, I was quite confused. The guy at the counter confirmed that I ordered 2 tacos, and that's what he gave me, and I drove away with a puzzled look. Until I at them. Holy deliciousness! The meat inside was super tender and flavorful! It didn't taste anything like TBell, and I was quite happy it didn't. The meat was probably the most noticable thing that stayed in my memory. 

Many places will actually use ground meat, though. Also delicious, but not anywhere near as delicious as a well-cooked hunk of meat. I realized that ground meat is more popular because it's cheaper, faster, and more convenient. Ground meat will take only a few minutes to season and cook, and you can have them in pre-weighed bundles of crumbly goodness. Sometimes this is what you need. But then again, you should probably check the source of your ground meat, because it's pretty easy to sneak some other stuff in there. 

Mirrored to life, meat is the food in your life. It's necessary to live (ever had a meatless taco? Yea, it's no longer a taco), and the quality actually matters. Though sometimes, the quick stuff does suffice, nothing beats the good stuff. 


3: The toppings

For veggies, I like my tacos simple: some cabbage or lettuce, tomatoes, onions, maybe some parsley. I like a little bit of everything, but not too much, and not too little. It's easier to put too little on the taco, as the meat gets a bit overpowering (yea, I said it). Rule of thumb for the veggies, though, is that they need to be fresh. The fresher, the better. This also goes for veggies in life. The guac is a whole other story....but for now, I'll say 'yes' to the guac. Finally, cheese....yes, please. But not cheddar. I like my cheeses mild.

I think toppings would be kind of like the random information you learn in life. You should learn a bit about everything. Not too much, not too little. Too much, and it takes up too much of your time that you should be spending on other, more important things. Too little, and you are ignorant and have no clue what is going on around you. It's ok to omit a couple things here and there based on personal preference, but at least entertain the idea for a second (taste it) to make sure you really have no interest in it.

4: Cramming it all in there

After assembling your taco, you're ready to fold it and eat it. This is when you've found out if you've gotten too greedy. Can your tortilla hold all the toppings without it spilling? Can your life hold all that you've decided to cram in there without you freaking out? Or is it too empty? Maybe you could use some more meat...or veggies...or guac. Or is it just perfect? 

5: Taste/Mouth Feel

Time to eat (live)! Are you enjoying this taco creation? Is the meat too salty? Do you need less cheese? Is the tortilla kinda dry? This is when you get to evaluate your taco. And by taco, I mean your life. The great thing about tacos is that they're small (like a week or a month, maybe even a year of your life), and you need multiples of them to fill you up. So just because you fucked up this one taco that you're chewing on right now, doesn't mean you have to make the rest of your tacos the same way. You have the option of playing with #1-4 until you get the perfect #5 for you :) Also, just because your neighbor/friend makes their tacos with tabasco doesn't mean that you have to, too. I'm more of a Sriracha/Gochujang person myself. 


On that note, go make yourself some tacos (or peking duck or empanadas or whatever), and have some fun! :D

A Better Question to Ask Yourself...

Everyone seems to ask questions pertaining to "what....?" Like "What should I wear?" "What sport should I try next?" "What should I eat?" I find that this just accomplishes a short-term space-filling band-aid of a solution. 

Instead, I like the question "why?" or "what is the purpose of....?" as a better reason to do things. For example, let's say you've just completed a workout. You want to eat. Many people ask me what they should eat. My first question back to them is "what is your goal?" Once I find out why they're doing things, it's much easier for me to give them an appropriate answer. It's kind of like if someone were to walk up to you, asking for directions, but not tell you where they're going. Of course, you could tell them to go the north route to location A, or you could tell them to go the southern route to location B. You could even tell them to take the scenic route and drive in circles and end up exactly back where they started. None of those answers will be helpful unless you know where they are going. 

Another example: Someone asks if eating apples are good for you. Well, what's your goal?  Are you allergic to apples? How many apples are we talking about? How often are you thinking about eating these apples? What size are these apples? Etc...

Yet another example: "Is running (or X sport) good for you?" What is your purpose for doing this sport? Do you enjoy it? Do you have any pains during or after participating in the sport? Do you have any contraindications for this sport? How often and what are the durations you are doing this sport? Etc...

So many questions to ask in order to answer one "simple" question.

I used to hate running. I had to do it, though, because my taekwondo coach made us. After I broke my back, I couldn't train taekwondo anymore. Running became one of the few things I could do at that time. I learned to like it. I ended up doing it because I enjoyed it. Now I don't do it because I don't enjoy it anymore. Simple as that. But if someone were to ask me what I thought of running, my answer won't be a "good" or "bad." It would be something more in the lines of "it depends."

Every once in a while, I like to do a check up of myself, and ask myself why I do the things I'm doing. My answers may vary from day to day, or from year to year. My answers may also vary from other people's answers for doing the exact same things. But whatever my answer is at that time, it will be the driving force for my actions. My reasons will carve my path. Everyone has a different history/background that will shape their various purposes in life. Even if we're all doing the same thing, many of us have different reasons for doing so. It's easy to get caught up in the mainstream reasons (read: trendy/popular), but if your beliefs and reasons are different, then stay true to yourself. You'll accomplish what you, not others, wanted, and you won't feel like a sell out or having short-changed yourself. 

Comfort Travel Hacks

I miss the days before airport security wasn't so....strict. It was easy to sneak onto first class. All it took was waiting to be the one of the last ones to board, and then confidently sitting down in an empty cushy seat. Bring your beverage of choice from outside the security gate onto the airplane with no problem. Keep your shoes on and not get patted down like a criminal. Now there's added security and special precautions to make sure everything and everyone is in order. Trust has been lost. To make matters even more inconvenient, airlines are becoming more and more stingy (ie, fewer comfort accommodations such as pillows and blankets). As a result, for those suffering chronic pain must suffer even more (or bring a bunch of pillows and such) unless they wish to pay a premium price.

I don't like those options. With a troublesome back, I try to keep my on-person load as light as I can to prevent any pain and discomfort. Yes, I know I can lift some heavy weight, but that's just build up my muscles so they can support my body weight and allow me to do fun activities, like martial arts. It's also a very short-duration activity.  Just to give you an idea of what someone with back pain has to deal with, carrying a load of groceries (doesn't matter if they're front, back, or side loaded) for longer than 7 minutes will make me need a stretch or a foam roller (which is why I always bring my emergency lacrosse ball!). Think about a full day of traveling with a laptop, and whatever carry on luggage I have in that back pack. The weight adds up pretty quickly, and I want to keep it as light as possible. 

During lengthy travel sessions, I make sure to take extra care of my comfort (for those of you who know me personally, yes I CAN get more comfortable in a public setting!). If I don't, my back will give me extra trouble for the duration of the trip and oftentimes require extra TLC upon arrival of my destination. I'm a big fan of inexpensive amd functionality. If you have ever visited my gym, you will see that we are there to get results, not to visually impress people with shiny, overly expensive, equipment. Of course, there are some situations where some bills need to be spent, especially when safety is on the line, but when you can get just as good (or better) functionality out of a $7 pvc pipe and and some foam as you can with a $60 status symbol of a foam roller, I'll choose the pvc pipe every time. I'd rather spend that extra 50-some bucks on a few good meals or towards an adventure of some sort. But that's me. Anyway, onto the hacks!

I like to travel with a disposable water bottle. I used to do this just so I could have a large water supply while on the plane (keeping well hydrated helps prevent jet lag, helps keep your immune system running well so you don't catch whatever germs are flying around in the cabin, it helps keep your blood flowing better, and it forces you to get up frequenty to potty, further helping your circulation and helps prevent strokes and other blood clots). It's also super light (so great for my back), and pretty resistant to squishing and getting dropped. During my travels, I have discovered a few other purposes for the water bottle.

1) It makes a great lumbar support pillow. Just squeeze some air (or drink some water,  but make sure the cap is screwed on tightly), and place it behind your lower back in a horizontal direction. Adjust the level of support according to your comfort needs. You could also use it as neck pillow (if you put cold water in it, it's pretty refreshing and cools you down), but it may be noisy to some people. Liquid in the bottle helps dampen the crunchy sounds.

2) You can put some cold water in it and roll your feet on it as refreshing way to cool your feet and up some blood circulation.

3) You can make drinks with it. This sounds like a "no shit, Sherlock" thing, but I don't like spending $10usd on a tiny non-alcoholic beverage that is probably filled with chemicals, dyes, and sugar. I made my own organic lemonade with a water bottle and a homemade lemonade kit! All you need to prepare is a lemon (or any other smashable fruits of your choice) in a ziplock bag. If you wish to bring your own sweetner,  you can do that, too, just remember to follow TSA's 3oz guidlines. The knife, paper towel, and some sweeteners (just go to a coffee shop in the airport) are available at any airport or in the plane.

Make sure the lemon (or whatever fruit you have) is washed thoroughly. If you're washing it at the airport, make sure the final rinse is with clean, drinkable water, as some countries don't have drinkable tap water.

If it's a citrus fruit, you can halve it cross-wise with a plastic knife (or convince a kitchen staffer to cut it for you). To help get more juices out, stab each section parallel to the rind to break the cells up. This part may be a tid bit messy, so I recommend doing it on the paper towel. Don't worry about the seeds.

Place all of the fruit back in the ziplock back and zip it up, making sure  there's no leak, and leaving the bag only half inflated.

Now the fun part: SMASH the fruit with your palm using your bodyweight to lean into it. Get as much juice out of the fruit as you can.

Unzip a small corner of the bag and pour it into the empty water bottle. The small hole is just enough for the juice to come out in a nice little stream so you don't need a funnel; just a steady hand. The zip acts as a strainer, so all of the seeds remain in the bag!

Add your sweetener and any other things you want in your tasty beverage.

Find a water fountain or machine and fill the rest of the bottle with cold water. Voila! Tastey beverage that passed airport security! If you have a longer total travel time with a layover, you can bring extra fruit to make another drink if you want one. Just wash the bag and reuse it. If you don't, you can either eat the fruit or throw it away if you're traveling internationally.

Enjoy these simple travel hacks! Leave a comment if you have any others that you can do with a water bottle :)

When I'm Dead....

Ghost Month started yesterday in Taiwan. Yes, that's a real thing, for those of you who don't know. From my understanding, it's an entire month dedicated to honoring ancestors, and not pissing them off when they come visit because you give them awesome offerings of fake money, foods, snacks, and drinks. In some cases, you even give houses. By the way, this is all in the form of burning things. There are also some other customary things to not do, like don't go swimming, whistle, buy cars, move house, going out after dark, and giving ghosts your address. 

 The more you know...

I'm not a religious person. I have my own beliefs of how my life should be lived, but I don't follow any pre-formed religion. I'm also not a fan of wasting, pollution, nor depleting the ozone. Also, I normally don't give out my address to strangers, but that's just a coincidence, I guess. But either way, you can probably guess that I'm not a big fan of the on-goings of Ghost Month in Taiwan. That, and I have asthma. 

The thing is, I do like to participate in ceremonious events once in a while, though, just for the fun of it. For example, I don't celebrate Easter, but I like to do Lent when I can remember when it starts. I don't celebrate the Mid-Summer Festival, but I do like to compete in the Dragonboat race when I can. 

So for Ghost Month, I got to thinking....if I was a ghost, how would I want my ancestors to make me happy? Giving me food I can't eat, money I can't spend, and fucking up the air quality would definitely make me the opposite of appeased. I do, however, like random acts of kindness and the overall being nice to people. I think the world is getting more and more populated with stressed out people, and asshole-ish behavior is becoming more and more common. So, for the duration of this year's Ghost Month (and I'm actually hoping that it becomes a habit, because it makes me happy as well), I'm going to purposely be kind to at least one random being every day. I started yesterday with saving the life of a dragonfly whose leg was caught in the escalator. Hey, it's a start!

Escalators = death traps. Use the stairs!

Today, as I was on my way of scavenging for my first meal of the day at 3pm (you can imagine the hanger starting to set in by then), I encountered two overly-eager women standing in my line of vision for some New Zealand Natural ice cream. 

(I just get easily irritated and antisocial when I get hangry, actually)

Once they realized that someone else wanted to see the flavors, they immediately moved to the side and started suggesting how absolutely delicious it was, while they were waiting for their ice cream to be scooped. They then offered me a spoonful of their own ice cream to taste. I politely declined, as the vendor would happily give me a taste anyway, so I saw no need for them to spend a treasured spoonful on a stranger. As I walked away, stating that I need real food before the ice cream, they asked if they could sit for lunch with me. Normally, that sounds like a very weird thing to do, but this wasn't the first time I've had something like this happen in this country. They seemed like nice people, harmless, so I agreed, as long as they realized that I had a schedule to follow (not really, but it gives me an out just in case things go south). 

The entire gathering only lasted a few minutes, but they informed me that they were participating in this event/program/thing where they had to get out of their comfort zones. They were instructed to make conversations with random people they walked up to. They had to get used to rejection, and push their fears aside. After I heard this, I immediately smiled, as I've done similar things (and I still do, just for the experience). I know that the first step was very difficult, and I wanted to encourage them into continuing their quest. So instead of rushing things or been very antisocial like I most likely would have if they weren't doing this exercise, I talked to them, and told them about how I got over my fears, and now laugh at the face of rejection. It just takes more exposure. Basically, practice. Like anything else you want to get good at in this life, you have to work at it. The first step is always difficult. Failure makes things worse. But once you get past those failures and see those as another step towards success, then you start to welcome those failures. It's a number's game. The more failures you get, the more successes you will, too. 

In the end, the women thanked me, hugged me, and took the obligatory selfie with me. Apparently they were extremely happy to end their exercise with their encounter with someone who was willing to give them a "yes." Hey, if they're wanting and willing to get out of their comfort zones and improve themselves, I'll help them however I can. In the end, I help myself, too. It reminds me of where I was, where I am, and how much more I have yet to improve. So thank you to the two women who were brave enough to randomly communicate with me with no other intention than to break out of their comfort zone and make themselves better. 

When I'm dead and a ghost, if my descendants would like to make me happy, don't burn things, waste food, or avoid swimming in the hot summer heat. I'd like for my descendants to make me happy by making other living creatures happy, and using that experience to make themselves better people because of it. 

Thanks in advance ;)

Why I am Especially Proud of The Women at Live to Play

It's always great to see people get fit, lift weights, and generally get healthier. In the States, it's more of a trend thing, so it's cool to have muscle definition. Some would even say it's a status symbol or a trait of sexiness. I think it's just great to see people (in general) actually taking action to get healthier and stay healthy. 

When I moved to Taiwan, I realized that there was a big cultural difference in this area. People are mostly discouraged of playing, moving, exercising, or doing anything that would increase muscle mass or just plain sweating. From the time they are toddlers (I'm talking around 2-3 y/o), they are put into extra schooling, locked into the seated position for the majority of the day, and "let out" to play in their schools for a few minutes each day. Sounds like cruel and unusual punishment, right? (To be fair, kids in the States start around 5-6  y/o, which is still too young to be forced to sit for more than 20 minutes at a time.)

They're discouraged from getting dirty. Don't even think about touching a tree, let alone climbing one. Water should only be for drinking and bathing, not for swimming or water fights (unless you go to a public pool, where they chlorinate the hell out of the water). Sports are for middle and high school children, and only as an extra curricular after your school homework and after school school homeworks are all done. Many children get home from after school schools anywhere between 6-10pm. So that means they're sitting for prolonged periods of up to 14 hours per day, 5 days a week. To me, that's a terrible childhood. But that's just my opinion. 

When they graduate from grade school, they go into university (where it's basically the same as high school, but more freedom) or into the work force, where they work a lot, and don't prioritize physical exercise. 

Now, the fashionable thing to look like is to take up as little space as possible with your body. Skinny. We're talking super skinny, here. I can't buy clothes here because I have muscles (everything's made for people with no muscles). Many clothes are "free size," which means if you're not a 22" waist, you need to find special clothes or department store clothes. If you have actual shapely glutes, you can't find jeans that fit to save your life. Yoga pants it is, for everything. Or ill-fitting XL skirts. Even if you wear a S in the states. Seriously. This is what the standard of beauty is now in Taiwan.

So the typical thing to do here, as women in Taiwan, is to try to fit in and be as pretty as you can by the country's standard of beauty, right? It's very easily to be intimidated by all the skinny girls walking around with their big-eye contact lenses, fake eye lashes, and size 000 waists. Skinny = pretty. They definitely don't advocate lifting of anything anywhere near heavyish, as their equally skinny boyfriends will carry their purses for them, or they'll have their miniature dogs in pet strollers. I honestly don't even comprehend how they have the strength to blowdry their hair. 

Going against what is defined as "beauty" in any country is a very difficult thing. To do what you know is healthy for you, rather than what other people say about you is always something that takes a lot of bravery. So for all the women who come to Live to Play, knowing they're going to be lifting heavy weights on a regular basis, knowing that they're going to get muscle definition, and knowing that they're going to go against 99% of their current country's beauty standards, they are some pretty supurb women. I am so proud of each and every one of them for doing something great for themselves, despite what their families and friends might say. 

A couple weeks ago officially marked the day that 5 girls from Live to Play can do pullups. Anyone who knows anything about strength training knows that pullups are particularly difficult for women because of the ratio of upper vs lower body muscle and body composition. So having 5 women successfully do pullups within the less than 2 years we've been open, and in a country where strength = scary, I'm extremely proud of all of these women, and this includes the ones who haven't done their first pullups, but are well on their way to do so (which is ALL of the rest of them)! Lifting heavy weights, not being afraid of public criticism, and going against cultural norms to do something they enjoy and know is good for them....I am so damn proud of all of them!!! 

The Reality of My Reoccurring Nightmare

I went to the hospital to get what I call a "check up x-ray" of my back. This is something I've been putting off for years, though I knew it should be done more frequently. The last time I took a picture of my lumbar spine was in 2009, so five years without any imaging is probably not the best idea. Anyhow, I finally went in to get it done today. 

Going in, I knew what the prognosis was going to be: severe compression fracture of my L2, suggested spinal fusion surgery, no more fun activities that include bending or twisting of my back or any lifting of heavy objects, and lots of core strengthening as rehab. I guessed that there would be some arthritis or bone spurs that had developed by now, and I was curious to see how much, along with the condition of the adjacent discs and vertebrae. 

Well, I got what I asked for. Exactly. Except this doc said that it wasn't just a compression fracture, it was a burst fracture, which is even worse than a regular compression fracture. Compression fractures, as I mentioned in a prior post about Neymar's injury, are kind of like squished marshmallows. The cause of a burst fracture is basically like that of a compression fracture, but with more force so that the vertebral body (the marshmallow part) has some shatter element to it (think pressing down into a piece of taffy with your finger, vs smacking it with a hammer....using your finger, it just kinda squishes in, whereas the hammer might break off several pieces of taffy, clean cut). It also increases the surface area of the flat part, which means that that there is more of a chance of it affecting my spinal cord in a negative way. 

The doc then mentioned that if I had gotten surgery at the time of the accident, my vertebra would have actually grown back into it's original shape (or something similar, I'm guessing). A couple pins to temporarily fuse it in place, and a year later, remove the pins. Bam. A new back. 

Exactly what I have been wishing for since 2009. 

And then he took it all away from me. All of the hope. Because my injury is an old one, I wouldn't be able to recover the way I would have if I had taken immediate action. All that's left for me to do now is to either maintain what I have by core strengthening, or attempt surgery to permanently fuse my L1 and L2. I entertained the idea of surgery, but then I came back to my senses and remembered the doc saying that at this point, he wouldn't recommend surgery unless I was experiencing some terrible pain. 

When I got home, I broke down and cried. Just the idea that I could have actually had a normal spine again crushed me. These past 5 years would have been pain-free (minus the year of rehab). I wouldn't have to be so careful with everything I do. I wouldn't have to rehab myself just to be a normal human being. 

The thing is, since 2009, I had already made peace with the fact that my situation was an eternal one. There's no getting better, just maintaining the same, or getting worse. Why it was so tough for me to accept this coming from a doctor this time, I really don't know. Maybe it was the temporary dangle of hope in front of my face before he asked the date of my injury. 

Actually, I think that was it. 

After talking to my significant other (it was moreso just venting and crying), he reminded me that "what if's" are pointless and useless. He reminded me that the path I've taken since the accident has made me into someone who wouldn't have existed otherwise. Live to Play would not exist. The people I've helped along the way might still be in pain. My friendships would be different. My sports and activities would be different. My address would be different. Everything would be different. 

He's so great :)

The thing is, we have to learn how to live with the cards we've been dealt. Yes, it would have been great to have a healthy(ier?) spine, but who knows if it would have actually gone the way it was planned (we should know by now that rarely anything goes exactly as planned)? I've used this crux as a driving force to improve my direction in life, adding to my passion of helping people, but now with an actual fire. I took a path I was too afraid to continue when I failed at first (yep, Anatomy class in university....had to drop the class twice because I knew within the first 2 weeks I wouldn't have the slightest chance in passing). I have learned so much more than I would have, think more freely, and actually use my brain when making educated decisions, rather than basing it what the institution would have bred me to believe. I have expanded my knowledge in ways I wouldn't even have blinked at, and have made many similarly-thinking friends on the way. I have challenged my body in ways I would never have imagined (even though some are just basic things), and accomplished exactly what I intended when all the docs told me I couldn't. 

Well, I can. I have, and I will. 

Docs told me I couldn't run without pain, so I ran a few half marathons. Docs told me I wouldn't be able to participate in martial arts anymore, so I competed a few more times, took up a whole new martial art, and competed in that one several times. Oh, and mixed the two in an MMA tournament. Docs told me I shouldn't jump, so I ran a 10-mile obstacle course race. Docs told me I shouldn't lift heavy things, and, well, we all know what happened with that ;) This doc "taught" me an exercise I "should" do every morning to maintain the muscles that support my spinal column: 

Ironically, this is an exercise that I would NOT recommend to beginners, or people who just walked into a doc's office as a first exercise. It's way too easy to round your back and not use the right muscles to perform this movement. Also, most people would also end up with a neck strain along with their sore back. Woot. 

Ok, so now I feel better. Sometimes hearing news you already knew can suck, even if you were expecting it. Hearing it out loud, and then even just having a smidge of hope presented, can sometimes seem devastating. But bring yourself back to reality. Look at your cards, do your research, know that there are always other options. In situations like this, take your best option, believe in it 100%, and never look back. Obstacles are bound to happen, but keep your eyes on the prize. The path to success is never a straight line.

Fighting Off Bad Guys

I commonly get asked questions about how to defend oneself during an attack. Having been in martial arts for most of my life, I have come to expect these types of questions here and there. With the uprising of public attacks (in Taiwan, the newly reported 2014's second safest country to live in, within the last 6 weeks, there has been a stabbing on the subway resulting in 4 deaths and 22 injuries, and a shooting resulting in one guy getting sent to the ER with multiple gunshot and blunt force assault wounds), I have been getting more and more questions about self defense. 

"How do I defend against a knife attack?"

"What do I do if someone is drunk and tries to attack me?"

"What if someone has a gun? What do I do then?"

"What if someone sneaks up in the alleyway and grabs me unexpectedly?"

What if, what if, what if.....

Today, I got to spend a bit of time explaining to the single person who has asked me the most questions about self defense on a daily basis (this guy persistently asks almost every time I see him, and won't really take "no" for an answer) my thoughts on self defense for noobs (or, as he called it, "blank paper"). By the way, this only applies to the general population who has not taken any long-term instruction in martial arts. And, again, it is only my opinion, as is everything else in this blog (because it's my blog). So take it for what it's worth.

You cannot learn self defense overnight. 

You cannot practice self defense by yourself. 

Just because you take a weekend self defense course doesn't mean you can take on the world. 

Just because you know a couple of self defense moves, doesn't mean you will actually use them effectively in an attack situation. 

You cannot "learn" (read: memorize) a defense for every conceivable attack situation. There will alway be variables.

Just because someone knows martial arts doesn't mean they can defend themselves in an attack situation.

Just because someone doesn't know martial arts doesn't mean they can defend themselves in an attack situation.

Just because you can find a weapon nearby doesn't mean you should pick it up in a situation where you are being attacked.

Defending yourself is not like it is in the movies.

Martial arts defenses are not how they are depicted in the movies.

I believe that in order to defend yourself in as effective manner as it is humanly possible to prepare for, one needs to have a clear mind and quick reaction/thinking at the time when most people would panic. Like most things in life, it is about learning some basic skills, practicing them in simulated situations with real partners and actually learning how to take a hit, and practicing those things until it's second nature because they're basic. Then you learn the concept of how everything works. And then you can apply those concepts to almost any attack situation.

Think about when you learned how to drive. The driver's ed guy didn't teach you what to do if a dog runs into the street in front of you at 20, 25, 30, 35, and 40 feet from the left, did he? What about the right? What if it's a cat? What if it's a kid? What if it's a bird? He also didn't teach you what to do if  you're making a left turn and some asshole decides to run a red. Or if he ran a stale yellow. Or if he was just driving super slow at the end of a green. Or if there were two cars instead of one. Or if it was a semi-truck. Do you get my drift? He taught you some basics things on how to operate a vehicle safely, some general guidelines, and then the rest you learned through practicing....a shit-ton. Every time you drive, you practice. You might now know how to parallel park on a 17 degree gradient hill in San Francisco, but the driver's ed guy didn't teach you that. You just know now because you parallel parked in a few other situations, as well as parked on a hill before, and it just makes sense that this is how you should combine the two on a rainy, windy SF day. 

Practicing by yourself is also not an effective approach to learning how to defend yourself in an attack situation. Sure, you might have that heavy sand bag propped up, ready for you to retaliate against its imaginary attacks, but you'll never have the timing right. Sure, you could repeatedly smack yourself on the head with a bamboo stick to "get used to the pain," but you'll never know what it looks like when someone else is out for your blood. Think about a deer in headlights. The deer knows how to cross the road. It's simple. It's done it a bunch of times. But now...there're shiny lights coming towards it. Fuck. 

Having a partner simulate attack situations is the best way to train what you've learned from whatever self-defense/fighting/martial arts course you've decided to take without actually getting yourself in attack situations. It prepares you for a human being coming at you in real time, so you have to 1) not panic, 2) figure out what defense move will work best for you in that situation, 3) get the timing right, and 4) use the appropriate amount of force and speed to stop you from getting stabbed in the eye with a plastic picnic knife. You cannot effectively train those components of self defense by yourself, or over a weekend course.

The only exception to any of this.....is if you've had previous experience in a combat sport (mostly martial arts) and have actually competed several times. I say this, because if you've gotten to the level of having competed several times in a combat sport, then you've already had a minimum of several months to a few years of sufficient and consistent training of that martial art (unless your coach is a mean, mean person who enjoys watching his students get crushed in public). You have already learned the basics of a martial art, which is really enough to defend most people against the majority of attackers. Having been in competitions means you've trained even more vigorously than normal students, upping your ability and mental toughness. It means you've already been in the situation where someone is trying to win, and you're in the way. You've already had to defend yourself. Several times. You've had accidental knocks to the head, getting your wind knocked out of you, bumps, bruises, bleeding, etc, and you're not phased by them anymore. You know what it's like to be super tired and not be able to catch your breath but still have to fight someone because you can't lose. Not this time. You've had to use your basic techniques in situations the instructor didn't teach you....because that's all you had to work with, and you learned how to make it work. You've learned how to be creative with what little you knew, too, because you've at least started to grasp the concept of this whole "defending" yourself thing. You've conditioned yourself to think that an attacker is just another person, and he will no longer be an attacker if you can control him. No biggie. When do I get my post-competition pizza/ice cream dinner?

However, this does not mean that anyone with martial arts experience (even competitively) can defend themselves effectively. People are still humans, and they will fuck up because it's in their nature. They could have a brain fart and that brain fart could be the determining factor on whether or not they get stabbed. They could still panic in the face of danger, because, well, it's actual, REAL, life-threatening danger, not just a fun competition that you know you'll walk out of alive. Or, I mean, if someone decides to surprise attack you with a gun to your head....I mean....that's a pretty tough one to get out of, even for most experienced martial artists. 

Now, the chief complaint I got from the guy I was explaining this to today was that becoming efficient at a martial arts to the point of competing takes a lot of time out of one's schedule. Well no shit. There's got to be a better way for the general population of "blank papers" to have a better than 0% of stopping themselves from getting beaten to a bloody pulp, right? Well, of course there is. And again, I'd like to state that this is all my opinion, so if you ever get in a situation and try any of this and it doesn't work, don't blame me. Actually, just try not to get attacked. That's probably best.

1) Run away (See? This is another reason why sprinting is good for you!). It's too much of a hassle for a random attacker to chase after you, unless you made him really angry. Then you should probably make sure you run faster than he does. If you're being robbed, best thing to do is to throw your wallet/purse in one direction, and then run in the other direction. And always run towards where there are people/lights. Bad guys don't like witnesses.

2) If you're stuck in a situation where you can't run and you have to defend yourself, either stay suuuuper far away (out of range for limbs/weapons to reach you), or get suuuuuper close (think super tight bear hug with as much of your body stuck to their body as possible). If you are in the middle range where their strikes can actually reach you, you're probably pretty screwed unless your inner Kung Fu Panda spirit comes through for you. If you're super close, like, trying to merge two bodies into one close, you take away their attack range. Next time your significant other gives you a super tight hug with their head on your shoulder, try to head butt them and see how effective that is. I can tell you right now, it won't be very effective. Weapons all have a range of effective use. Take away that range, and they won't have an effective use. Also, you could simply do the grade-school thing where you put one foot behind theirs and trip them so they fall backwards. And then sit on them while you make them list 10 candy bars. There's a reason why that worked. Because you took away their range. They can't attack you if you're sitting on them and controlling their arms. 

There's no way this dog can hurt me now!!

3) If you haven't been properly trained in the usage of weaponry, don't pick up random objects and try to use them as a weapon. You will probably get that "weapon" taken away from you pretty quickly and then all of the sudden find it being used against you. Damn. 

Hey, look what I found! I couldn't possibly hurt myself with this!

4) Make as much of a screamy noise as possible. Get the attention of standbyers. Scream something like "FIRE!" or "OMG, IT'S ROBERT DOWNEY JR.!!" Again, the attacker probably doesn't want any witnesses. 

5) Get good at dodgeball. If someone's gonna throw something at you, be it a fist or a knife or a shoe, just remember that you don't deserve to get hit, and you also have the option of NOT getting hit. So just move out of its way. 

Ok. So, super long post about how to defend yourself in every situation possible. How about this: Just....try not to get easily attacked. Walk around with confidence, head held high, no headphones in, and best in numbers higher than 1. Attackers want the easiest attack possible. They're like the lioness hunting the gazelles. They know they'll only get the weakest one. Don't be the weakest one. Do your sprints. Lift heavy things. Be confident in whatever you do. Have friends. Enjoy your surroundings. There. That's my advice. Now go.....not get attacked and live your life.